Start the Estate Planning Conversation: How to Give Your Children the Gift of Peace of Mind
Few conversations are harder, or more important than, planning for what happens after you’re gone.
Over the past year, we’ve watched families we care about struggle to settle their parents’ estates. Accounts were scattered, documents outdated, and siblings who once got along found themselves in conflict and confusion during an already painful time.
Most Americans Are Leaving Their Families Unprepared
According to the Trust & Will 2025 Estate Planning Report, 55% of people have no estate documents at all, while only 31% have established even a basic will. This represents a concerning decline from previous years and suggests that despite increased awareness about the importance of estate planning, people continue to postpone taking action.
The result? Families facing long, expensive probate processes that can consume up to 10% of an estate and worse, fractured relationships that may never fully heal.
Why Having a Will Isn’t Enough
This surprises a lot of our clients, but a will alone doesn’t prevent the most common problems that tear families apart after a parent passes.
One issue we see repeatedly involves parents who split their assets equally between children, thinking that equality automatically equals fairness and will prevent conflict. The problem arises when both children inherit something indivisible, like the family home, and they have completely different ideas about what should happen to it.
Layer in the logistics of coordinating decisions across different cities or states, the stress of managing this while grieving, and the resentment that builds when one sibling ends up doing more of the physical and emotional labor of estate settlement while the other can’t or won’t contribute equally.
Another common but costly mistake: leaving assets outside the trust or estate plan entirely. A checking account in an individual’s name, even if it’s listed in your estate documents, becomes frozen the moment you pass away. Your children know the money exists and they know you intended for them to have access to it, but they can’t touch those funds without going through a lengthy legal process.
What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Families
If you’re a parent who wants to make this process easier for your children, one of the most important things you can do is get organized now, while you’re healthy and thinking clearly:
- List everything: Create one secure document with all financial accounts, insurance policies, property details, passwords, and important contacts. Update it yearly.
- Review beneficiaries: These override your will and can cause major issues if they’re outdated. Retirement accounts, life insurance policies, and bank accounts with transfer-on-death designations bypass probate entirely and pass directly to the named beneficiaries,
- Keep plans current: Review your documents after any major life change, including divorce, remarriage, birth of grandchildren, or relocation, to make sure your plan still reflects your current wishes and circumstances
- Talk openly: Discuss your wishes with your children and loved ones, especially regarding emotional assets like a family home.
- Involve professionals: Let your children sit in on a meeting with your estate attorney—it builds understanding and trust.
How Adult Children Can Start This Conversation
If your parents haven’t started planning, approach the topic with empathy and focus on their wishes rather than inheritance.
Frame the conversation around their wishes and values rather than your concerns about what you might or might not inherit.
One approach that tends to work well is to say something like: “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but I want to make sure we understand your wishes so we can honor them when the time comes. We don’t need to cover everything today, but I thought that we could start the conversation?”
Offer to help them meet with their financial advisor or estate planning attorney. Some parents find it easier to have these discussions with a neutral third party present rather than making it purely a family conversation where emotions might run higher.
Lead with Values, Not Logistics
The best estate plans start with values, what impact you want to have and what matters most, before getting into wills, trusts, and paperwork. When you approach planning from this perspective, the practical decisions become much easier because they’re clearly connected to meaningful goals rather than feeling like sterile legal requirements.
We recently worked with a family who realized their legacy wasn’t just about wealth, but about continuing their commitment to community giving. By aligning their plan with their values, they created something that brought everyone closer together.
If you’ve been putting off your own estate plan or the conversation with your parents, now is the time to start. We’ve developed an Estate Planning Checklist to help widows and widowers (link below) understand the timelines and logistics associated with estate planning; consider sharing it with your parents or children to help start this important discussion.
This material is distributed for informational purposes only. Investment Advisory services offered through Journey Strategic Wealth, a registered investment adviser registered with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (“SEC”). The views expressed are for informational purposes only and do not take into account any individual’s personal, financial, or tax considerations. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as investment advice. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Please see Journey Strategic Wealth’s Form ADV Part 2A and Form CRS for additional information.
